Halloween
May your Halloween be spooky, your candy be plentiful, and your costume not require you to explain it for the seventh time tonight.
Halloween · 30 cards
Funny Halloween Wishes
Funny Halloween wishes — the kind that involve poorly-carved pumpkins, last-minute costumes, and dads in dog costumes.
Halloween
Happy Halloween from the parent who is now also wearing a tiger tail because the kid demanded matching.
Halloween
Tonight is the night I justify wearing a witch hat to the grocery store. See you in the cereal aisle.
Halloween
May your jack-o'-lantern not look like a small angry potato this year. (Mine does. It always does.)
Halloween
Happy Halloween to me — wearing a costume nobody at the party will get because they didn't watch the show I'm referencing.
Halloween
May your candy bowl have at least one full-size bar in it and may you be the lucky child who gets it. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Wishing you a Halloween where the dog ignores the doorbell and lets you have peace for the first time in October.
Halloween
To the lazy adults handing out apples — we know it's you. We have not forgotten. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
May your spider be fake. May your skeleton be plastic. May your in-laws cancel their visit. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Happy Halloween to everyone who panicked at 6 p.m., put on a black turtleneck, and called it "a cat." We respect the hustle.
Halloween
Tonight may the only ghost in your house be the one in your fridge — last night's leftovers you keep meaning to eat.
Halloween
Wishing you a Halloween of zero teenagers ringing your doorbell at midnight asking for candy you do not have.
Halloween
Tonight is the one night a year skeletons get to be social. Let them. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
May you receive no tricks, all treats, and at least one decent chocolate bar that is not a Tootsie Roll. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Happy Halloween from a person who has already eaten four pieces of the trick-or-treat candy and feels great about it.
Halloween
Tonight: the candy. The pumpkin. The seasonal beer. The cold porch. The judgmental cat. Excellence.
Halloween
May your costume photo this year not become a regret next year. (Mine will. It always does.) Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Wishing you a Halloween with at least one neighborhood child dressed as something so weird you have to ask their parent twice.
Halloween
Happy Halloween to all the dads who said "no" to the dog costume but are now putting the dog costume on the dog.
Halloween
May your only fright be the bathroom scale on November 1. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Tonight the witches fly. The vampires brood. The pirates wander aimlessly. My uncle thinks he's still a sexy cowboy. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
Wishing you the kind of Halloween that requires a Sunday nap to recover from.
Halloween
Happy Halloween. May the kid who rings your doorbell three times in a row be someone else's problem.
Halloween
To the people who turn their porch light off and pretend not to be home — we know. We forgive you. Happy Halloween.
Halloween
May your pumpkin be unrotted, your fog machine be unbroken, and your candy budget be reasonable for a change.