Retirement: where every day is Saturday and you still complain about Mondays out of muscle memory.
Fresh today · Thursday, 4 June
New Wishes
A handful of wishes pulled from the cabinet this morning. Pick one up — copy, save it to your pinboard, or send it on.
May your new job title — 'Available for lunch' — be the most prestigious one you've ever held.
We'll miss your jokes at the meetings; the meetings will continue to be unfunny in your honor.
Welcome to a life where the only spreadsheet you maintain tracks how often you eat ice cream before noon.
May your retirement plan involve aggressive napping, light snacking, and absolutely no agenda items.
Congrats! You can now answer 'What do you do?' with 'As little as humanly possible' — and mean it.
↑ pick one up
Browse by occasion
What are we writing today?
Cabinets sorted by occasion. Open one — pages are arranged by warmth, not algorithm.
- Anniversary
- Baby
- Belated
- Best
- Birthday
- Boy
- Boyfriend
- Christian
- Christmas
- Congratulation
- Diwali
- Easter
- Eid Mubarak
- Engagement
- Farewell
- Fathers Day
- Friendship
- Funny
- Get Well
- Girl
- Girlfriend
- Good Morning
- Good Night
- Graduation
- Hanukkah
- Heart Touching
- Holiday
- Invitation
- Job
- Love
- Miss You
- Mothers Day
- New Year
- Recovery
- Retirement
- Romantic
- Thank You
- Thanksgiving
- Wedding
- Well
- Women's Day
- Sympathy
- Valentine's Day
- Halloween
- Veterans Day
More from today
Retirement gift idea: a calendar with every day labeled 'No.' We figured you'd want it pre-filled.
May your golf game improve, your patience for small talk decrease, and your snacks always be within arm's reach.
Without you, we'll have to find someone new to blame for the missing breakroom snacks. Tall order.
Wishing you a retirement so relaxed your phone forgets your face from lack of use.
May you finally read all those books you've been buying — or, more realistically, nap on top of them.
The office will be quieter, sadder, and significantly more on-time without you. Congratulations.
Retirement: the long-overdue reward for tolerating decades of pointless emails that could have been texts.
May your sweatpants outnumber your dress pants by next Friday, and may neither one ever see a fluorescent light again.
Welcome to a life where 'productive day' means you remembered to water one plant. We salute you.
Wishing you weekends so long they connect end-to-end like one enormous, glorious nap loop.
May your retirement be free of group chats, status updates, and the phrase 'circling back.'
We packed your desk in twelve seconds — clearly you were ready. Enjoy the freedom you've been quietly rehearsing.
May the only deadline ahead of you be the expiration date on whatever you forgot in the fridge.
Retirement starter pack: comfortable shoes, an unread book, and the unbeatable joy of skipping every staff meeting.
May your inbox die a peaceful death and your hobbies multiply like office gossip on a Friday.
Without your terrible coffee technique haunting the breakroom, mornings will lose a little of their character.
Congrats on graduating to the elite tier where the question 'busy day?' makes you laugh out loud.
May your retirement be everything our quarterly reviews never were: enjoyable, optional, and entirely about you.
Welcome to the era where 'getting dressed' is an optional, deeply personal decision made around noon.